How to stay young

1. Throw out non-essential numbers.
This includes age, weight, and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with her/him !

6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is our self.
LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love, that you love them - at every opportunity.

About LOVE

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.

This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you .

For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.

Give and don't expect.

Advise, but don't order.

Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."

Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take;
but by the moments that take our breath away...

Life is beautiful!!! Live it !!!

Bravery

A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion.

In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate.

Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.

The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you."

The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!"

An Engineer view

An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a software engineer are riding in a car when the car stalls by the side of the road.

The electrical engineer says "Let's strip down the wiring and try to trace where the fault might have occurred."

The chemical engineer says " Maybe the fuel has become emulsified and is causing a blockage somewhere in the system."

The software engineer says " Why don't we close all the windows , get out , get back in , open the windows , then try it again."

Smart Reply

A Quality Analysis Engineer married a girl..

After 24 months of tough life with her, finally the Engineer got angry and sent a note to his father-in-law stating that:

'YOUR PRODUCT IS NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS'

The smart father-in-law replies,

'WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE'

Two Frogs

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.

This story teaches two lessons:

1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.

2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.

Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path. The power of words... it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.

Before and After Marriage

Before Marriage…

She: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
He: Do you want me to leave?
She: HELL NO! Don’t even think about it.
He: Do you love me?
She: Of course! Over and over!
He: Have you ever cheated on me?
She: HELL NO! Why are you even asking?
He: Will you kiss me?
She: Every chance I get!
He: Will you cheat on me?
She: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!
He: Can I trust you?
She: Yes.
He: Darling!

After marriage… simply read from bottom to top.

Corporate Connotations

Commonly Used Phrases at the Office and... What they really mean!

1.For your information, please. (FYI)
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.

2.Noted and returned.
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.

3.Review and comment.
Meaning : Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.

4.Action please.
Meaning : Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.

5.For your necessary action.
Meaning : It's your headache now.

6.Copy to.
Meaning : Here's a share of my headache.

7.For your approval, please.
Meaning : Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.

8.Action is being taken.
Meaning : Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.

9.Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning : I am trying to figure out what you want.

10.Please discuss.
Meaning : I don't know what the "****" this is, so please brief me.

11.For your immediate action.
Meaning : Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.

12.Please reply soon.
Meaning : Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.

13.We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities.
Meaning : They are causing the delay, not us.

14.Regards.
Meaning : Thanks and bless you for reading all the bullshit.

Phone Bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

Dad: People, this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones

How to break Bad News

At dawn the telephone rings.

"Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo your country house caretaker"

"Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?"

"That's the one."

"Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?"

"From eating rotten meat."

"Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?"

"Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."

"Dead horse? What dead horse Mr. Arnaldo?"

"Why, those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire."

"What the...!!! But theres electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???"

"For the funeral."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!"

"Your mother's! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her."