A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which has to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo." "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World.
Blondie going to the zoo
Grannies don't know everything
The granny is at her daughter's house one day, minding little Johnny while his mother is shopping. Her daughter has warned her to answer the kid's questions in a straightforward way and not be doing babytalk. The kid, who has been playing outside with the other kids, come running into the house.
'Granny,' he asks, 'what is it called when two people are sleeping in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
The granny is taken aback, but then she remembers her daughter's warning and bravely decides to tell Johnny the truth. 'Oh, that, honey,' she says, as casually as possible, 'it's called sexual intercourse.'
'Oh, okay,' says Johnny, and runs off outside. A few minutes later he's back again, full of indignation. 'Granny, it's not called sexual intercourse, it's called BUNK BEDS. And Jimmy's mother says she wants a word with you.'
Reason for a leave
Suddenly one of the employees in an organization took 10 days Leave without any notice.
When he returned his PL asked for explanation.
The employee said "Sir, my mom died unexpectedly".
The PL let it go at that.
After 3 months the same pattern repeated, and this time he said his father died.
Then the PL got changed.
After 3 months the same pattern repeated.
And the employee gave the explanation that his mom died.
After 3 months same thing again...and this time his father died.
This happened repeatedly for 2 years.
At the end, one PL checked his past records and told him, "I have caught you red
handed, How come in the past 2 years, your mom has died 5 times, and your dad has died five times?"
To which the guy said, "Sir, my mom died and my father remarried. Then my father died and my new mom remarried. Then my mom died and the new father remarried. This has been going on and on and on and... “
Effective Communication
A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: 'I am blind, please help.' There were only a few coins in the hat.
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat.. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, 'Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?'
The man said, 'I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.' What he had written was: 'Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.'
Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing?
Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively.
Invite others towards good with wisdom. Live life with no excuse and love with no regrets. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile. Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear.
Great men say, 'Life has to be an incessant process of repair and reconstruction, of discarding evil and developing goodness. In the journey of life, if you want to travel without fear, you must have the ticket of a good conscience.'
The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling!!
And even more beautiful is, knowing that you are the reason behind it!
Love and Marriage
A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once & cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the field, go through first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for better ones, but when later you realize, you have already missed the person ...."
"What is marriage then?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium sized corn that he felt satisfied, and came back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage."
You have been recruited
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"
How God grants a wish
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." The sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge"?
The last bus
These two drunks stumble out of a pub in Ireland at about 4:00 in the morning.
They stagger to the nearest lamppost and lean against it when along comes a policeman. The first drunk pipes up, "Excuse me, ossifer, but I wonder could you tell me if the last bus to Dublin has left yet."
To which the policeman replies "Of course it has. It's 4:00 in the morning."
The second drunk then weighs in and says, "Sorry, sir, but I wonder if the last bus to Galway has left yet."
The officer again replies "Of course it has. It's 4:00 in the morning."
The first drunk then starts up again and asks, "Could you tell me please, ossifer, has the last bus to Cork gone yet."
The policeman is really irritated now so he shouts, "It's 4am, all the buses have gone!"
And with that the first drunk turns to his friend and says, "Ok, Mick, we can cross the road now."
Can I Borrow $25?
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the Man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an Hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'
The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish.... I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions.....
How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often.
The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
'Are you asleep, son?' He asked. 'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.
'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man.
'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.
Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours, but the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
A Butterfly Story
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!
I asked for Strength.........
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom.........
And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity.........
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage.........
And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love.........
And God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors.........
And God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted........
I received everything I needed!
Trust in God. Always!
Butterfly love story
Two butterflies were in love.
One day, they decided to play Hide and Seek.
During the play.....
Boy Butterfly - "A small game within us"
Girl Butterfly - "OK"
Boy Butterfly - "The one who sits in this flower tomorrow early in the morning is the one who loves the other one more"
Girl Butterfly - "OK"
Next morning, the boy butterfly waits for the flower to open so that he can sit before the girl butterfly does.
Finally, the flower opened.
What did he see?
The girl butterfly had died inside the flower.
She stayed there all night so that early in the morning as soon as she sees him she can fly to him and tell him how much she loved him.
This is true LOVE.
Life is LOVE.
Living might mean taking chances, but they are worth taking.
Loving might be a mistake, but it’s worth making.
Few Definitions
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
The Wisdom in Hot Chocolate
During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives.
Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said:
"Notice that all the nice looking; expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.
While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
The cup that you’re drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.
What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups.
And then you began eyeing each other's cups."
Now consider this:
Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups.
They are just tools to hold and contain life.
The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality
of life you have.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us.
God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything.
They just make the best of everything that they have.
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
And enjoy your hot chocolate!!
